TeeMs~Journal

today im feelin down, sore throat, slight fever, headache and im the office under an airconditioner….. tough luck….yesterday something bad happened to me, i wasnt planning to tell the internship programme that i got a job yet, but my plan was ruined coz a friend accidently and eagerly told them herself. after that got interviewed lah, what else…unluckylah..sometimes, other people dont think the way u think….but forget it, its happened so no use whining… i’ll miss the happy memories of pintar program, but then, with so many things taken from me during the program eitehr on purpose or not("friends,tv channels,space…etc") so i might aswell go..not that fun anymore:P…….hehe

I just applied to become an IT customer service for streamyx for "cuba2"…the prob is that i want to become a programmer, but i also have passion in getting to know people….so i went to the assessment test and interview yesterday ..if i suddenly get the job, i will start this 31july(not saying i will lah), should i continue?this bugs me coz i dont have a clue what i really want. should i be patient and wait for a permanent programmer job to come along or should i persue in other fields related to IT?The prob about taking any other IT position is that, when i want to be a programmer, my experience is "fresh graduate"…please kindly give me opinions..thanks

   YUP, this week Im sooo innocent coz i havent been hanging out wid my boy yet… normally, if I dont go out and eat with my best friend in the world, I’ll cook for myself when I get home, but coz of a little house key accident with the receptionist, I was stranded alone outside my very own door until around 7.30pm….

when I eventully got in, I didnt know what to cook (coz im on this NO RICE AT NIGHT diet), until Lia and Isma came home… When I was chatting to Lia,  Aida , the last one of us, greeted a warm ‘assalamualaikum’ while comin through the door.(Siput didnt come home early last night, had a date)….suddenly, I thought, "y not cook together something different with the others?anyway, tonight Im so hungry so Im off my diet!" so i emptied my stock of food and together with my friends, we cooked  a big portion of sayur campur (terung, sotong balls, sawi, cabbage) and an innovation recipe of aida’s, eg scramble &ikan bilis masak merah(together in one pot)… Everyone was doin thier part, laughing(especially at the pot spilling with veges), chatting about anything…It was fun and YUmmY…… had a sweet,family, fun, memoriable feeling to it.. so like everynight, eat infront of the TV and chatting away until the most NOT FUN part of cookiN…WASHING THE DISHES….haha…Bibik ismaaa…..where are u? I got some Fun Washing for u to do..hehe(a deVils lauGH)

Waiting for a ‘chance’ to come……….

When will it come???

Im Waiting………

I know mY LiFe is Already PatterNed By GoD… But When Is The paTTeRn GoiN to Start BecomIn ColOurFull?…..All I can See kNow Is YeLlow, White and Grey…

I used to be a very very playfull girl, never thinkin of what others think and i would laugh my tears away and play as much as i can, somtimes pickin fights with guys and punchin them hard…it was fun…but when i grew up, i learnt that femenine rules..i couldnt do this and that..I became a borin person always level headed and thinkin b4 I talk or do anything.I became a careful person and always strivin for the best in me…

I suddenly realise how bored I am with life when i saw two balls and remembered a game when I was small(jugglin balls on the wall, for my england friends, they know what game Im talkin about)…I picked the balls and juggled them like a used to, i also taught a friend how to juggle(always hold 1 ball in one hand while the other in the air), she had the laugh of her life! It was akward lookin at her..Lookin at her, i remembered how i used to have that happiness when jugglin once ago, but the spirit in me isnt there anymore….I felt dull..missin the moments where I thought eveything was fun, and the skill to juggle was a pride in me….

I just miss when i could do anything I want…now, Im just a normal girl who isnt proud of myself eventhough I did so many things in life, Im scared to take risky chances and Ive lost the confidence and spirit of livin that made me feel so attractive b4.Ive grown up and all im waiting for is my future..maybe by havin kids i can relive the passion of livin by seeing the fire of life in their little eyes… I’ll become a fun mother coz somtimes being with little kids makes you feel like one too…

Im feeling dull… The spark that believes something magical would appear seems on the edge..I want colours, shining papers, glittering stars and the feel of something magical is about to happen and brighten my life… but what i see now are fluffy white clouds moving to the breeze of wind, and im just under it, waiting for a beautiful rainbow to appear with birds chirping around a beautiful set meadow..how I long for this dream to be real..but when will i feel it? oh life…please….show me the chance to feel magic and the power of God….show me how lucky I am to be lucky ‘ol me.. ~~~~hapY MaGic~~~~

Boring sioot… well, im bored of becoming a trainee…i want a permanent job in KL.. a nice place, full of adventure and happening environment..someplace where i see my future..a place where i wont get bored in 3 years time and enjoy the money i get with the satisfaction with work.. Ya Allah..please grant my prayer…amin…..

(does such place exist?if it does, i hope i get a chance to be a part of it in my path of life…….amin)