comel x? when she was born…her eyes were already open…below are her details…
name: nur qhadija binti mohd hafiz syazwan
age: 14 hours
p.o.b:hosp putrajaya
d.o.b: 05.07.09
blood: O
agfa score: 8/9
weight: 3.23kg
hmmm….thats all i can remember….05.08.09…she is already 4.02 kg…height 42cm….next chekup on 02.09.09….feels as if she is growing fast….
she looks different now doesnt she?compare both pics…..
let me give u a clue….
“im now sitting in front of the computer…with messy hair, tired eyes…and the giveaway…have my baby balanced on my lap…having her supper tucked under my arms quietly while im typing away….”
got the idea?
the first 3 weeks of motherhood was soooooo challenging..i broke down a few times…with the strong support of my loving hubby n mother…i stood up again…well..not quite ’stood up’…more to ’sat up’…
being a new mother…i had no knowledge of nursing…my mom helped bath qhadija….but the most challenging part was learning to confidently breastfeed and bond with the child….after a 14hours of fighting my contractions, i was exhausted…and i wasnt ready to feel the pain of breastfeeding….’it’ was bleeding and sore…a week after, it tore in half….but as you know…the baby is always hungry and want milk no matter what….so i was forced to breastfeed…
day 2…i cried coz my baby wanted milk every 2 hours…i needed sleep but didnt have the oppertunity to rest…the pain of stitches is still burning…2 hours went by so swiftly and i was forced to endure the pain and face the trauma on my own….i was the only one capable of feeding her…no one else…so the fight was on…fighting my pain, grudge,and hatred towards this small creature who always cries, and gives me pain with pure guilt….at this moment..i understood the feeling and why some mothers throw away thier newborn child without mercy….its hard to be a new mother wthout support from husband, family, friends and community….it can drive you insane…..
day 3…..my milk factory swelled up into gigantic coconuts…it hurts….was hard and sore….lying down on the matress, i was trying hard and frantically to feed my baby…but she couldnt get it in her mouth…..she was very hungry and crying out loud….i felt i was a bad mother and the world was harsh until 2 angels came….the community nurses came over to check on me and the baby….they gave me confidence and taught me alot of precious knowledge..they helped me reduce my pain and gain my confidence….only then i knew…what i was feeling..the pressure…the guilt was only too normal…and 1 bad news….qhadija had the yellows….and thus…i was forced to endure my pain and bring her to the clinic that evening…..
day 4 - 14……everday trips to the clinic…qhadija had a reading of 200+……but slowly it reduced…..i was getting used to the night wakups and little rest…i was getting better too and more confident on my own….i had already took over my moms task of bathing my baby…..since the angels came to see me…i see something more into my baby’s eyes and hear more to her cries of needs….i see with affection…love…and passion…..
week5….qhadija has heled from the yellows…but vormitted blood that night…got into nicu at putrajaya hosp…..got my whole family panicking…i was praying that my baby was safe…the next day….with relief….my baby was discharged and stated as a healthy baby…the blood? it was from my torn milk factory….her body couldnt digest my blood in large quantities.. i was adviced to give it a rest for a few days from feeding until it healed and the bleeding stopped…..
week6…it doesnt hurt as much now during feeding…..im so relieved….alhamdulillah…..im getting stronger to face everyday challenges….im more matured and healing…..
week 7…here i am…..my baby is getting restless…she has the hiccups…donno why she always has it….im at bangi since yesterday..my mother in laws house….my mother is calling everyday to hear qhadija’s voice…hehe…cucu pertama… 
the love of both mine and hubby’s family….we are both the eldest sone and daughter….in 2 weeks i start my work….so ive starting to study to teachmy form2 and 4 students and hack my brains creating test papers to test them before the finalyear exam starts…..i love my students….i love my job….if only they knew that…:Phehe
k…qhadija is kicking away already sucking on her mittens..shes tall,brave and strong like her father…very intelligent and bright…love sounds and looking at moving objects….hope she grows up into a lady i’ll be very proud of one day….oh..she’s smiling at me…..looking into my eyes with her big round eyes and making baby sounds…sooo cute and adorable….its seems she’s trying to say i love you mama…this it it…..im signing off to change her diapers….selamat berpuasa friends…..hope your life is getting better like me….
=D tata~
